On being praised and post-Inktober blues

I did surprisingly well for Inktober this year. Last year I only managed a miserable 3 drawings. So in comparison this year was pretty good (I only missed 1 day when I was bedridden).

Also I considered it successful because the experience has taken my drawings to the next level. I developed a style, which was perhaps my first recognisable style, and I also developed a process to do these drawings so I improve my timing a bit, and fumble about less.

I have also gained more likes and followers on Instagram and Sktchy than I ever did before (by about 20 more followers, that's quite a lot for me!). I see what people mean about momentum that art challenges can bring you, particularly high profile ones such as Inktober.

Most of all, I have been showered with seemingly sincere praises from friends and strangers alike. This is all very gratifying, patting myself on the shoulder. Well done well done.

But this praise also brings performance anxiety. Am I going to live up to the expectations? Am I going to be able to sustain this standard? It is not just the expectations of others (actually I doubt if anyone is actively thinking of me), but most of all my own expectations. Perhaps that is why I haven't posted on Instagram since Inktober ended.

Or maybe I can blame it on burn out. Or being preoccupied with building this website.

Part of the insecurities stem from the fact that I don't really know what I'm doing (imposter syndrome?). Most of the good work were happy accidents. I don't really think hard when I draw, it just happens. But of course, the more art you create, the more likely a happy accident will befall you.

Just got to do something to break the tension and then there there, it's not perfect anymore, now we can get on with it.